


Picking up the pieces

by not_a_total_basket_case



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Girls' Night Out, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_a_total_basket_case/pseuds/not_a_total_basket_case
Summary: A night out with Octavia and Raven, leaves Clarke in need of a ride home. So she calls, Bellamy - her best friend.Bellamy and Clarke doing Bellarke things, like avoiding and denying their feelings.More than likely just going to leave this as it is





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the first fic that I have posted since 2011, be gentle. Comments are always appreciated.  
> https://how-are-you-not-a-basket-case.tumblr.com/ or http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/ on tumblr. Hit me up with prompts or ideas for following chapters.

_Clarke_

“Come on, Clarke. Please?” Octavia begged, looking at her with her big eyes.  
“Puppy dog eyes? Really O?” Clarke laughed at her best friend, rolling her eyes. She was begging Clarke to come clubbing with her. Octavia had finally convinced her boyfriend, Lincoln to come out with her and was now trying to use the same charm on her other friends. She had had little trouble convincing Raven to come and had been working on Clarke all day.  
This time of year was always rough for Clarke, though. It was coming up to the anniversary of her father’s death. Five years, this year. He was a scientist and had been killed in an accident in an experiment he was conducting. She had been at school when she found out.  
Tearing herself out of the past, she looked back to Octavia who was now literally on her knees begging. Clarke had known Octavia since they had started college together when they were both eighteen. They had shared a room together and had since started renting a flat, with their other friend, Raven Reyes. Octavia and Clarke had hit it off instantly.  
“Is Bellamy coming?” she asked hopefully. Bellamy Blake was Octavia’s older brother and he and Clarke had a close friendship. They had met around the same time she and Octavia had. He was the RA in their dorm.

_“I want to go to a party tonight. Would you come?” Octavia had asked. It was their first night together and Clarke and Octavia had only known each other for five hours but Clarke found herself agreeing and getting ready. They were already swapping clothes and were going out in each other’s outfits._  
_“Can you check down the hall and see if the RA is there?” Octavia asked, a nervous look on her face._  
_“We’re allowed to go out?” Clarke said to her new friend, raising her eyebrows._  
_“The RA is my brother, he is the definition of overprotective.” She sighed, “If he knew I was going out, he’d follow me.”_  
_Clarke giggled, but obligingly checked if the coast was clear. Feeling more like teenagers sneaking out of their parent’s house than college students going to a party, they made their way down the halls and towards the front door._  
_“O!” a voice called out. It took Clarke a moment to realise the person was calling to Octavia._  
_“Busted,” she whispered, turning to face the RA Clarke hadn’t properly met. She was instantly struck by how cute he was (though she shouldn’t have been surprised, her roommate was beautiful). He had thick curly hair and a face that was splattered with freckles. However before she could take in more of his appearance he was lecturing Octavia like she was a child and her attraction towards him evaporated._  
_“She’s old enough to go out on a weekend, if she so pleases.” Clarke found herself saying. Standing up to the RA was not something she had planned on doing on the first night, but she just couldn’t let him speak to her like that._

Clarke had eventually grown to like Bellamy, she even regarded him as the big brother she never had. He came to her for advice, when he needed a gentler way to deal with something in their hall. He had been there for her on some of her worst days, when she thought nothing could make her feel better. Excluding her two housemates, he was her best friend.  
“Pfft, no.” Octavia scoffed, rolling her eyes at Clarke. “We might be twenty one now, but there is no way he would let me have the kind of fun I want to have tonight.”  
Clarke agreed to the night out at the same time Raven let herself in the front door.  
“Did I just hear Clarke Griffin agree to come out with us?” she called, “It’s a miracle!” she kicked off her boots at the door and joined the two girls on the couch.  
“Shut it, Reyes.” Clarke said, rolling her eyes again. Like her and Bellamy, she and Raven didn’t start off as friends. In fact they hated each other. They had met when Raven showed up at Clarke’s boyfriend, Finn’s apartment, planning on surprising him. Clarke had learned that Raven and Finn had been dating before Finn had moved away. There hadn’t been a way Raven could come with him so Raven had thought they had agreed to a long distance relationship. Long distance didn’t work for Finn though, and he and Clarke had started dating.  
Both girls broke up with Finn, despite their feelings for him and refused to speak to each other. Raven had been in one of Octavia’s classes, where they became friends. She started bringing Raven to events and she and Clarke eventually made up and grew to like each other.  
Finn eventually made his way back into their circle and he, the three girls and Bellamy were a tight knit group. 

_“Clarke is driving tonight, Bell.” Raven chastised, pushing away the cup he was offering her and hanging off his arm. Raven always flirted with Bellamy when Finn was around, it was clear that like Clarke, she still had feelings for him. However, these days, things were strictly platonic._  
_“Someone needs to get your drunk arses home safely.” Clarke laughed, watching her friends dance around the kitchen of their friend, Monty’s house._  
_Two hours later, after loading her four friends into the car, Clarke began the twenty minute drive home. Octavia and Raven were asleep on the backseat, each leaning on Bellamy’s shoulder and Finn was in the front next to her, chatting about one of their other friends._  
_“She told me that her and Miller had a thing, but Miller is totally not into-” Finn’s sentence was cut short by a car ploughing into the side of theirs. A drunk driver had run a red light, spinning out of control and hitting them. Clarke blacked out._

_“YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED HIM!” Raven was shouting. Clarke couldn’t remember what happened or where she was. She opened her eyes and saw Raven strapped to a stretcher, two men holding her flailing arms down._  
_“What?” Clarke managed, realising she too was attached to a stretcher. They were in an ambulance._  
_“Finn’s dead because of you.” Raven looked away from her and Clarke felt her world crash down around her._

With the help of the Blake siblings, Raven had forgiven Clarke, realising the accident had nothing to do with Clarke. Clarke however, held herself responsible for Finn’s death and the limp Raven now walked with.  
“I’m just teasing.” Raven smiled, hugging her two friends. “But first, showers!” she held up two grease covered hands. With Finn still in her thoughts, Clarke felt a moment of overwhelming guilt as watched Raven walk to their bathroom. If only she had seen the car run that red light, she could have saved Finn and Raven. 

* * * * 

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked, now shivering in the cold. She was wearing and short dress and wished she had brought a thicker jacket.  
“TonDC.” Octavia grinned, “It’s new and I really want to see if it lives up to its reputation.” Lincoln, who had his arm around his girlfriends waist, looked back at Clarke to roll his eyes but Clarke was smiling. She decided a night with her girlfriends (and Lincoln) was what she needed.  
When the entered the club, Clarke was momentarily overwhelmed by the dark lighting, but as her eyes adjusted she found Octavia’s bright (albeit surrounded by dark makeup) and she couldn’t help feel the contagious excitement.  
Raven ordered the four of them shots. It hadn’t been Clarke’s plan to do shots in the first five minutes they arrived but she willingly drank the alcohol. It burned her throat and sent a flush to her cheeks, but it didn’t stop her taking a second and a third.  
Fairly soon she had lost track of how many drinks she had had and was dancing with Octavia and Lincoln, as well as some of her friends from college; Harper, Miller and Jasper.  
“I think I’m going to head home soon, do you want to come with?” Octavia yelled to Clarke above the music. Her hands were all over and Lincoln and Clarke knew exactly why they wanted to go home.  
“I’m going to stay with Raven.” Clarke decided, smiling at her friend.  
“Be safe!” Octavia smiled, dragging Lincoln out the entrance of the club. Clarke made her way back to the table Raven had been sitting at to find that her seat was taken by a boy with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. He was smiling at Raven and she was actually giggling. Clarke pulled a stool over and sat next to them.  
“Clarke, this is Wick.” Raven introduced them, a glow in cheeks that Clarke hadn’t seen since Finn. Clarke sat, listening to the two of them flirting for a while. He was as smart as Raven and when she got up to get them drinks, he didn’t ask about the limp.  
Clarke was getting tired but didn’t want to drag Raven away from the boy she was clearly interested in so she returned to her other three friends. She continued drinking and dancing but couldn’t shake the feeling she wanted to go. She was getting tired and emotional. Finally, when Harper told her she was leaving, Clarke decided she would tell Raven she was leaving and she could either stay with Wick or come with Clarke, however she wasn’t at the table she had been sitting at. Clarke took her phone from her pocket and found a message from Raven, apologising that she had left. 

Clarke sat on the curb, not sure what to do. She hadn’t seen Raven in half and hour – she was probably already home. Octavia had gone home with Lincoln much earlier. There was no way she would be close enough to get Clarke now. Clarke sighed to herself, she shouldn’t have drunk so much alcohol when she was already upset. She should of known it would make her feel worse. Or better still, she should have gone home when Octavia did, when she was still having fun. She didn’t blame Raven for wanting to stay with the guy she had met. He was as smart as she was and unlike most guys, he didn’t even mention her limp.  
For reasons she couldn’t even explain to herself, hot tears began to fall down Clarke’s face. She just wanted to be at home. Giving in, she pulled out her phone and dialled Bellamy’s number.  
“Hello?” a sleepy voice mumbled. She must have woken him.  
“Bell.” She said, hearing her voice crack.  
“Clarke? Are you okay? Is Octavia okay?”  
“She’s gone home.” Clarke said, the tears running down her face slowly turning to sobs. 

 

_Bellamy_

“She left you?” Bellamy asked, annoyance for his younger sister rising. How could she leave Clarke, her best friend, alone in the city?  
“I told her to, I was with Raven.” Clarke said, instantly jumping to the defence of Octavia, even through her sobs.  
“And you’re not now?” Bellamy guessed. He was already pulling on sweats over his boxer shorts. He knew he would have to get Clarke, even if she didn’t think she needed his help. She was drunk and alone in the city.  
“She met a boy, Bell.” For a moment Clarke sounded excited, but then he heard another sob.  
“And she left you?” Bellamy asked, this time his annoyance was directed at Raven.  
“No, I was with them and he’s so cute, I didn’t want to hold her back, so I went to dance with Harper.” Clarke was explaining, as though it was the most obvious solution in the world.  
“I’m assuming Harper didn’t abandon you either?” Bellamy asked, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes even though she couldn’t see him.  
“No, I told her to go and that I would go back to Raven but then when I got there, they had gone and I had a message from Raven telling me she was going home with him. She thought I was with Harper, don’t be mad at Raven.” Clarke rambled.  
“I’ll come get you, princess.” Bellamy said, using the old nickname he had chosen based on her privileged childhood. “Where are you?”  
“I don’t know.” She admitted. If nights out with Octavia were anything to go by, they had been to a lot of clubs.  
“Find me a street sign and then sit in front of it.” Bellamy demanded and waited patiently, listening to Clarke describe everything she walked past until she finally gave him the name of a street he recognised.  
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He told her, “Don’t move.” He was there in ten.  
“Bellamy!” Clarke sang happily, throwing herself into his Rover and clumsily reaching over the dash to hug him. His car was impractical for the city, but he knew since the accident, bigger cars made Clarke feel safer.  
“You’re drunk.” He said, helping her put the seatbelt on, glad she was no longer crying. He hated seeing her hurting.  
“I am.” She agreed, leaning her head on the window.  
“Are you okay?”  
“I just miss him.” Bellamy didn’t know if she was talking about her father or Finn. At that moment, it didn’t matter. All he cared about was picking up the pieces of her broken heart. It was what they did for each other. 

_“Clarke, let me in.” Bellamy was banging on the door of Clarke and Octavia’s dorm room._  
_“Octavia isn’t here.” Clarke said, pulling the door open and adjusting her clothes. She had obviously just gotten out of bed, her hair was knotty and her covers were on the floor._  
_“I know. I just- I can’t be alone right now.” He whispered, looking away from Clarke._  
_“Bellamy, what’s happened?” Clarke asked, stepping aside and letting him into the room. He moved to Octavia’s bed and she sat down beside him._  
_“It happened a little while ago.” He said. Clarke was close enough to him now, that she smelled the alcohol on his breath and knew he had been drinking._  
_“What’s up?” she asked gently. Bellamy had never been alone with Clarke before, she was Octavia’s friend. He wondered why he had chosen her. His friends would have just gotten him another drink and told him to ‘cheer the fuck up.’ Clarke would make him talk. And maybe that was what he needed._  
_“Our mum, she’s dead.” Bellamy said, bitterness lacing his tone. Clarke gasped. She had known that their mum had a substance abuse problem and that’s why Bellamy had raised his sister. She knew Bellamy sometimes spoke to her, but Octavia refused._  
_“Oh my god, Bell. I’m so sorry.” Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him and let him sob into her shoulder._

That had been the first time either of them had to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart, but it wasn’t the last. Bellamy knew they were both more broken than they let on. But they had each other, when they needed repairing. There was only one other person that Bellamy would pick up at three in the morning without asking questions.  
He knew that Clarke needed him tonight, which is why instead of driving her back to the share house where Lincoln and Octavia and possibly Raven and her new boy were _sleeping_ , he took her to his apartment.  
“I know, Clarke.” He said, placing a comforting hand on her arm and pulling into the garage.  
“Can we watch a movie?” Clarke asked, letting Bellamy haul her up three flights of stairs rather than put the effort in herself.  
“Sure thing, princess. Maybe if you moved your feet, we could have started one by now?” he answered, half dragging her up another step. Clarke giggled and put an effort into actually climbing the stairs.  
Bellamy put his key in the door and pushed Clarke inside, thankful that he didn’t have to hold her up anymore. She made a beeline to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed.  
“Thought you wanted to watch a movie?” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.  
“You have a TV here.” She whined, sliding under his covers and leaning against the wall.  
“At least get your shoes out of my bed.” Bellamy grumbled, turning the TV on and sitting beside her. Without a word Clarke lay against Bellamy. He knew she was a hugger when she was drunk, but this was cuddling. He put his arm around her shoulders, knowing it was harmless. _She was his best friend. _Throughout the movie he found himself tracing patterns on her now bare shoulder. She had discarded her jacket.__  
“Are you feeling better?” he asked her quietly, knowing the question was redundant because he knew how close to the anniversary of her fathers death it was.  
“Right now, I feel the best I have all week.” She whispered back, snuggling closer to him and looking up. Her mouth was inches from his and like he had on so many occasions, he ached to kiss her. But she was drunk and he wasn’t the type of person to take advantage of that. Besides, he wasn’t willing to ruin their friendship. They needed to be able to pick up each other’s pieces.  
So when it was Clarke that closed the gap between them, Bellamy didn’t know what to do at first. For a moment, he marvelled at the softness of her lips that he had thought about so many times before gently kissing her and then pulling away.  
“Not while you’re drunk, Clarke.” He wouldn’t let her do anything and regret it in the morning, despite how much he wanted it. _He couldn’t do that to her. ___  
“Bellamy!” she whined, leaning back and trying to kiss him again.  
“In the morning, if you want.” He told her, kissing the top of her head affectionately. He was sure she wouldn’t remember the words he said. He was safe. He climbed out of his bed and threw one of his sleep shirts at him before anything else could happen.  
“Where are you going?” she asked, fumbling with the dress and slipping out of it. She struggled with his shirt for a moment, giving him a chance to stare at her chest. Her black bra a stark contrast against her pale skin. She was so beautiful.  
“To sleep on the couch.” He smiled. He always gave her his bed, the couch was too uncomfortable to sleep on.  
“Could you stay here?” she asked, her bright blue eyes pleading.  
“Until you fall asleep.” He decided, laying back next to her and letting her snuggle back into him. He let himself imagine that this was how he slept every night, the girl he loved in his arms.

______


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is avoiding Bellamy because of the awkwardness from the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter. I will get to the 'good' stuff in the next one!  
> I wrote most of this at midnight, after work, so be kind. Comments always appreciated!  
> Hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ How are you not a total basket case?](https://how-are-you-not-a-basket-case.tumblr.com/)

_Clarke_  
Clarke woke up to the familiar sound of Bellamy’s ringtone. He must be visiting Octavia. She felt someone move beside her and a sleepy voice answer the phone. _Shit_. Bellamy was in the bed next to her.  
“Hello?” she couldn’t hear the voice on the other line, but Bellamy was quickly calming whoever it was. “She’s with me. I picked her up last night after you guys left her.” Clarke’s eyes shot open. She wasn’t in her own bed, she was in Bellamy’s. “I’ll bring her home soon, O.” Bellamy hung up the phone.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep here.” He said quickly, pulling one arm from underneath her, where she obviously fallen asleep. Memories of last night came back to her in waves. Octavia and Raven had both gone home without Clarke. She’d called Bellamy in tears and he’d picked her up. They watched a movie together. And – and _oh god_ , she had tried to kiss him. He was one of her closest friends and her best friends brother. She’d undeniably always found him attractive and there had always been a part of her that loved him, that little bit more than she should. But she needed him as a friend more than anything. And she had potentially ruined it all by trying to kiss him.  
“I’m so sorry, for last night,” she said quickly, hoping he’d understand she was apologising for everything, including the kiss. Clarke was sure she saw his face fall. But then he smiled at her, assured her it was fine and offered to drive her home.  
The car ride was almost awkward, Clarke hoped he would put it down to the hangover she was clearly sporting, not the awkwardness and embarrassment that she felt.  
He pulled onto the curb and Clarke invited him inside. It would be weird if he dropped her off and didn’t say hello to his sister. She didn’t want her friends to get the wrong idea. Even if they were right.  
“Look at that walk of shame!” Raven called as Clarke let herself and Bellamy into the house.  
“It’s not a walk of shame if nothing happened.” She rolled her eyes at her friend and made a conscious effort not to glance back at Bellamy. “You on the other hand.” She said, indicating to the boy Raven had gone home with sprawled on the couch beside her.  
Raven didn’t say anything else and Clarke edged passed them and locked herself in the bathroom, leaning against the wall. She had wanted to kiss Bellamy for so long and now the drunk attempt had probably ruined their friendship as well as any chance for it to happen again. She didn’t really remember what happened, only that he’d pulled away almost straight away.  
She sighed, turning the water in the shower on and letting it wash away her hangover, thinking of anything else but the kiss she had tried to share with her best friend.  
Clarke put on a pair of leggings and Bellamy’s shirt and went back to bed. She was tired and didn’t want to face her friends. Neither of them truly understood how close she and Bellamy were. Often when she needed him, she lied about where she was going, not wanting Octavia to know how much Clarke relied on her brother. She knew if she went into the lounge room now, they would tease her about spending the night alone (not that it was the first time, but they didn’t know that), with Bellamy.  
Clarke recognised the footsteps coming towards her bedroom as his. She closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep, not wanting to face him yet.  
“I’m going home now, princess.” He said, cracking the door. She focussed on keeping her breathing even and didn’t move. After a moment, she heard the door close and the sound of his footsteps faded. Clarke sighed, she felt horrible avoiding him, especially as he hadn’t done anything wrong. But how was she supposed to face Bellamy Blake, when her stupid, drunken arse had tried to kiss his less than 24 hours ago?

_Bellamy_  
“Bellamy!” Octavia called, pushing the front door open and following him to his car. He sighed, he just wanted to get back home.  
“What?” Bellamy asked moodily. He wasn’t interested in whatever Octavia had to tell him. He knew Clarke was avoiding him and it had to be because she had kissed him. He had let himself hope for a moment that she wanted it, and it wasn’t just drunk boredom. But now he wasn’t so sure.  
“What happened last night?” she asked, looking at him, her hand pressed firmly against his car door, so that he couldn’t escape inside.  
“Nothing?” he said, putting as much feigned innocence into his voice as he could. He couldn’t tell her. Clarke was their mutual best friend.  
“Don’t lie to me,” she said, rolling her eyes, “I know you better than anyone.” She was wrong. Clarke knew him better than anyone.  
“Octavia, I just picked her up. She was wasted, upset and alone.” He said. It wasn’t technically a lie. He just hadn’t mentioned a key detail.  
“Did you guys hook up?”  
“I- what?” Bellamy blanched. She had asked it in such a casual, non-accusatory way, that he hadn’t been expecting. But now, he knew he had given it away.  
“You did, didn’t you!” she said excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. It wasn’t the reaction he had been expecting. She was excited, as though it was something she wanted to happen.  
“She was drunk, O. I wouldn’t do that.”  
“You would.” Octavia scoffed, referring to multiple girls she had seen him bring home over the years.  
“Not to Clarke.” He told, meeting her eyes. A look of realisation swept across Octavia’s face and Bellamy knew that she knew he had feelings for Clarke. For their best friend.  
“You- you actually like her?” she asked. He nodded. He more than liked her, he loved her. He had loved her, as long as he’d known her. Since she had told him off for treating Octavia like a child.  
“What happened last night, Bell? Did you tell her?” Bellamy found himself explaining what happened to his sister. He could tell she was formulating a plan, to find out if Clarke felt the same way.  
“You can’t tell her,” Bellamy said to his sister, hating the fact there was a pleading look in his eyes. He had spent years hiding this from Octavia and now in a moment of vulnerability he had told her everything. She always wanted to fix everything. It was just who she was. She’d done it with him and Lincoln. Spending months convincing Bellamy that Lincoln was a good guy, eventually leading to peace between the two of them.  
Lincoln had come from a side of town that was known for its violence and dislike for the side Bellamy and Octavia had grown up on. He had been part of a gang that called themselves ‘Grounders’.

_“Bellamy, I want to introduce you to this guy I’ve been seeing tonight.” Octavia had told him slowly one morning. She’d had Clarke drop her off at Bellamy’s apartment and was nervously pacing._  
_“Sure?” Bellamy said, looking at his sister curiously. She had never introduced him to anyone before._  
_“Promise me that you’ll at least try to be nice?” Bellamy rolled his eyes at his sister, not knowing why should would make such a big deal of this. It wasn’t like he was ever an outright dick to anyone. However, it was made clear later that night when she introduced him to Lincoln. Bellamy had gone into what Octavia affectionately describes as ‘bat-shit crazy mode,’ when he had found out where Lincoln was from._  
_“He is not where he comes from!” Octavia shouted, in one of their more heated arguments._  
_“He might as well be! They’re all the same.” Bellamy had shouted back._

It took Lincoln saving Octavia’s life, for Bellamy to finally trust him. Octavia had been visiting her new boyfriend when a fight had broken out. She’d been hurt, but Lincoln managed to get her safely out and to a hospital. With almost no prompting from Clarke, Bellamy was able to develop an easy friendship with Lincoln after that. After all, his sister, his responsibility. And perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad if he had a hand with her, because as Octavia made clear, he wasn’t to be involved in all aspects of her life.  
Which is why looking at his sister now was hard. She wanted to be the one to help him and it wasn’t her job. He was unbreakable and independent and non-reliant on anyone. At least that was what he wanted her to think.  
“What if she feels the same way?” Octavia asked, looking at her brother in a way that made him wonder if she knew something he didn’t.  
“Octavia, it doesn’t mean anything. She doesn’t. We’re just friends.” He said, trying to keep his emotions off his face. “I’d appreciate if you keep this conversation to yourself.” He finally pulled his car door open and got into his car without saying goodbye. 

 

_Clarke_  
It was Friday and it had been nearly a week since Clarke had spoken to Bellamy. When she wasn’t at work or in class, she was confined to her bedroom, avoiding all contact with the outside world, not wanting to give away that something was bothering her. But this didn’t mean her friends hadn’t noticed something was wrong. However, unlike normal, it was Raven that was pestering her for answers.  
“Clarke, you’ve been in this bedroom for a week.” Raven practically yelled, pushing open the door and opening the curtains. The outside world was bright, making Clarke squint.  
“I was literally in class all day yesterday.” Clarke told her friend, rolling her eyes. She knew that wasn’t what Raven meant, but she had to defend herself.  
“But other than that, you have been in here watching Scrubs for the hundredth time.” Raven accused, pulling the laptop off Clarke and slamming the lid. Clarke winced, she didn’t like seeing her laptop treated that way.  
“I like the show.” She mumbled, half-heartedly.  
“What’s going on?” Raven asked softly, sitting down next to Clarke and pulling her knees to her chest.  
“Nothing is going on. I’ve just been tired.” Raven gave her a look that said she saw right through her lie but for once, didn’t press the subject.  
“Fine, whatever. Wick has invited me camping this week, with some of his friends. Would you like to come? It will take your mind off the nothing that is bothering you.” Raven suggested. Clarke thought for a moment, going camping would mean she would put further distance between her and Bellamy but she would be stuck in a small campground with Raven and Wick. That was not something she was prepared for. She _would not_ go camping with a new couple. Besides, Raven was probably only inviting her to be polite.  
“I have got a huge paper I need to work on this weekend. Raincheck?” Raven didn’t look too disappointed, confirming what Clarke had thought.  
“We’re leaving in the morning, if you change your mind.” Raven said, opening the laptop back up and laying next to Clarke. She enjoyed Raven’s company, when she wasn’t pushing for answers. She even let their conversation turn to Wick, allowing Raven’s feelings for this boy to distract her from her own.  
However, it wasn’t much later that Raven left the room, leaving Clarke with her thoughts, which had once again turned to Bellamy. There was no point denying it anymore, she clearly was head-over-heals for him. She was ruined and the only thing they had done was share a brief kiss and a bed. Bellamy clearly didn’t reciprocate her feelings, so she was going to have to squash them. No one could ever know. She’d spent her life as the strong one, who didn’t need anyone (except Bellamy). She couldn’t lose what she had with him because of some shitty crush.  
“Ugh!” she moaned, pulling her pillow over her head to muffle her frustration.  
“Am I interrupting something?” a voice asked. This time it was Octavia standing in her doorway, looking at Clarke with too much concern for her liking.  
“Nah, what’s up?” Clarke said, quickly composing herself.  
“I’m just letting you know that I won’t be home this weekend. I’m going interstate to meet Lincoln’s parents. We leave tomorrow.”  
“That’s a big step.” Clarke grinned, “Nervous?” She and Octavia discussed the possible outcomes of the weekend. They were either going to love or hate her, from what they knew about his parents, there was no in-between. Clarke once again allowed herself to be engulfed in her friends problems, masking her own by helping Octavia plan and pack perfect outfits for each theoretical scenario they could think of. It took hours and her brain was completely fried by the time she went to bed that night. She fell asleep without thinking of Bellamy. 

Clarke was woken early the next day by both Raven and Octavia’s ‘goodbyes’ and ‘are you sure you’ll be okay on your own’s?’ and ‘are you sure you don’t want to come’s.’ Clarke has to push them out the door, trying not to rush them. She grinned the moment the door had closed. She hadn’t had their house to herself in months. It’s not that she didn’t love her roommates, she just loved time to herself. Clarke spent the morning pampering herself. She used the ridiculous face mask Octavia got her for Christmas, deep conditioned her hair and spent over an hour in a hot, bubble bath. She played her music loudly and didn’t shut the bathroom door.  
Clarke got dressed, giggling at the way her skin resembled a prune and spent the rest of the day focussing on things that don’t make her think of Bellamy. She baked a cake, watched an episode of the show her and Octavia had started (only one though, Octavia would kill her if she got too far ahead) and Skype called her mother. By seven she is feeling pretty normal again and decided to finish her perfect day off with a run, something she hadn’t done for a while. Within minutes of her decision, she’d pocketed her phone and headphones, locked the front door and was tearing off down her favourite path.  
The run relaxed her, bringing back happy memories of jogging with her father before he died and more recent ones of the pathetic marathon her and Raven had attempted to train for. The endorphins from her exercise were drained completely however, when she got back to her front door and saw her keys on the side table through the front window. _How could she be so stupid?_  
She texted both Octavia and Raven, asking if they had left a key out by any chance. They both replied with no, reminding her Bellamy had a spare key. Why was he always the one who had to save her? She sighed, thinking back to the first time he had had to rescue her. 

_Clarke was running through their building so fast that she hadn’t even noticed Bellamy until she was propelled into him._  
_“Whoa, where’s the fire, Princess?” he had asked with a chuckle, using one hand to steady her._  
_“Fuck off, Blake.” She said, pulling out of his grip and tearing down the hall, fumbling with the lock on her door. Bellamy reached her again before she unlocked the door. Truthfully, the sight in front of him scared him a little. The strong, independent, woman that he knew Clarke was, was red in the face with tear tracks etched down her face and onto her neck. She was breathing heavily and trying to control her sobbing._  
_“What’s the matter?” he asked, taking her key and letting them both into the room. Instead of answering, she took a suitcase from under her bed and started throwing her clothes in._  
_“Clarke.” He called, “Clarke. CLARKE!” he took her hands and steered her into a chair, where he kneeled in front of her so they were eye level. “What is going on?”_  
_“M- my best f-friend, from back home, Wells… There has been a-an a-accident.” She told him, looking away. The sobs she had been trying to hold in, now bubbled to the surface. “I’m catching a train home today. I need to be there in twenty minutes.”_  
_“I’ll drive you.” he decided, “I’m not letting you drive like this.” Bellamy didn’t ask what had happened to Wells. He knew from her reaction he had been killed. She would tell him when she was ready. All he cared about was getting her on the train safely._  
_They got to the train station with seconds to spare. Clarke had tried to order her ticket but couldn’t control her sobs. Bellamy had gently pushed her aside, ordering her ticket and one for himself._  
“I’ll just get you to your mums.” He promised, “Then I’ll go home. I don’t want to invade.” 

Bellamy had dropped everything, to look after her that week. A friend like that didn’t deserve to be ignored because of some stupid crush. She had to make things right. Biting the bullet, she called him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at chapter summaries! Bellamy and Clarke _finally_ stop avoiding each other in another drunken night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for the record, I love Lexa and I liked her and Clarke, but I didn’t want to kill her off in this fic and I didn’t want to not include her. I have been trying to keep everything fairly similar but I don’t think this Clarke could handle the loss of _another_ person she loved. So sorry in advance about bitch Lexa and psycho Gina. 
> 
> Also, I got a bit excited and just smashed this out in the last few hours. It's 3AM. 
> 
> Your comments give me motivation, so comment and I'll keep writing ❤️
> 
> As usual, hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ How are you not a total basket case?](https://how-are-you-not-a-basket-case.tumblr.com/)

_Bellamy_  


Bellamy was drunk. He knew it was early, but it had been a while since he had really let go and his friends had been giving him shit about it. So when Miller had invited him (and their male friends) to watch the game and have a few drinks, Bellamy had gone all out. The game was long over and none of them had stopped drinking. Bellamy was lounging in his chair, listening to his friends this time give the shit to Monty about the girl he had recently started seeing. Harper, he thinks her name is.  


“I’m sorry this has happened to you, Jordan.” Murphy laughed, clapping Jasper on the back, “It’s hard to lose a friend, especially to a girl.” Monty rolled his eyes as Jasper fake sobbed dramatically.  


In his drunken haze, Bellamy was feeling particularly grateful for his tight circle of friends – even if it did include his sister and even if they weren’t all with him in the present moment. Jasper, Monty, Miller, Bryan, Murphy and Lincoln were all crowded into the small living room, surrounded by empty bottles of beer and pizza boxes. It was an ideal ‘guys night’ that rid his mind almost completely of Clarke.  


That was until her name flashed on his phone screen. In his drunken state, he debated not answering it; after all she had ignored him all week. He couldn’t do that to her though. _He_ was the bigger person.  


“Hey.” He answered, trying his best not to slur. He was quite impressed with himself.  


“Hey Bell, uh, are you free right now? I’m locked out of the house and Raven and Octavia have both gone away for the weekend.” Clarke sounded a little out of breath and Bellamy wondered if she was nervous calling him.  


“I’ll be there soon.” Bellamy said, momentarily trying to think of an excuse to leave.  


“Booty call!” Murphy shouted. _That will do._  


“Fuck off, Murphy.” He replied, not bothering to deny it. He used to have a reputation. He would often leave events with a different girl or to meet up with one. His friends could think that’s what was occurring now. It hadn’t happened in a while though. He was too gone for Clarke.  


“Got to go, boys!” he said, hauling himself off the couch and gathering his things. There was minimal protesting from his friends, they wouldn’t get in the way of a booty call. He ordered a taxi from the app on his phone, he was a stupid drunk, but he would never be stupid enough to drink and drive. Not after what had happened to Finn. Clarke would never forgive him.  


He was halfway to the front door when Monty, who looked far too unimpressed for Bellamy’s liking, cornered him.  


“You’re not going back to Gina are you?” Monty asked. Bellamy snorted. What a shit show _that_ had been.  


“Clarke is locked out, I’m going to let the Princess into her house.” He said, dangling the keys in front of Monty’s face.  


“Oh.”  


“Don’t tell the others, they always get the wrong idea.” Bellamy found himself asking, as his cab beeped the horn. Monty agreed, said his goodbye and returned to the lounge room.  


It took fifteen minutes to get from Miller’s house to the house Clarke shared with Octavia and Raven. Clarke glanced up at the sound of the oncoming car, but dropped her eyes back to her phone when she didn’t recognise it. Other than being slightly off his face, Bellamy had no reason not to drive his own car to her. Her hair was pulled into a bun on top of her head and she was wearing her running clothes. That would explain why she had sounded out of breath when she called him. The driver pulled onto the curb on the opposite side of the road. Bellamy handed over some cash and mumbled about keeping the change.  


“Hey.” He said, focussing on not stumbling as he walked up the uneven driveway towards her.  


“Oh hey… why are you in a cab?” she asked, raising her eyebrows slightly, otherwise looking mostly grateful to see him.  


“Was having drinks with Miller and stuff, couldn’t drive.” He said, fumbling to unlock the house.  


“Thanks,” she said, pushing the door open and standing in the doorway. She was blocking his way in. “Are you going back there now?”  


“Ugh…” Bellamy hadn’t been expecting that, the sting of rejection. She wanted him to leave, even after he had saved her. That wasn’t how their friendship worked. “No, I’m already halfway home

now.” He said, now wanting her to think she had taken him away from the night he had planned.  


“Okay.” She said. Clarke looked like she wanted to say something else, but was distracted by his taxi finally pulling away from the curb and taking off down the street.  


“Fuck.” He muttered, getting out his phone to order another one.  


“Bell, wait.” She almost whispered, pushing his phone down. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”  


“Sure.” He said, unable to contain the smile that was spreading across his face. Watching a movie was something that was so normal for them. Maybe it would mean that their friendship was okay.

_“Octavia said you weren’t feeling good?” Clarke had said as a way of greeting. She had let herself into his flat, using the key he kept at the top of the doorframe._  


_“Ugh, hi?” Bellamy asked, closing the door behind her and taking her in. She was wearing black leggings and an oversized sweater. She was also carrying a sleeping bag, a pillow, a bag of popcorn, a DVD and a bottle of tequila._  


_“In the mood for a movie night?” she asked. Bellamy looked upset. He had just been made redundant at his job and even though they said it was simply down to budget cuts, both he and Clarke knew it was to do with the secret he had been asked to keep. It was too dangerous for his boss to have him there. Before he had answered, she was pulling shot glasses out of her pillowcase and settling on his couch. She handed him one._  


_“To better days ahead?” she said, taking the shot and pouring herself a second._  


_“To better days ahead.” He repeated, feeling the alcohol burn his throat._  


_They ate popcorn and watched Grease, steadily getting drunker. By 2AM the movie had been over for an hour but they were still lying on the couch, in a tangled mess of limbs, laughing harder than Bellamy had in what felt like years._  


_“Thanks for this, Princess.” He had said._

Their movie nights became a regular thing when either of them was feeling down. Then it just became a regular thing. Clarke requesting one meant she didn’t hate him and that was enough for now. 

_Clarke_  


Bellamy sat on the couch while she prepared popcorn. Clarke had almost let him go home, once he let her in, but she couldn’t do it. He was her best friend and she missed him. She had to stop avoiding him. She had to woman up and face her feelings.  


“There’s nothing to watch.” He whined.  


“Do you want another drink?” she asked, ignoring him, she would pick something when she sat down. “I’m having a beer.”  


“Yes,” he called back, “please.” She sat down on the other side of the couch, putting the popcorn between them and handing him a drink. Wordlessly, she took the remote and scrolled Netflix, searching for something they hadn’t seen before. He was right, nothing was interesting her.  


“I’m picking a random movie.” She decided, holding down the scroll key on the remote, until Bellamy told her to stop. _Friends with Benefits_. Clarke blanched. _Of freaking course._  


“This do?” she asked, hoping it only sounded like her words had a double meaning and Bellamy wouldn’t read into it, like she would have.  


“We all know how you love Justin Timberlake.” He teased, settling back against the couch and bringing the beer to his lips. They watched the movie mostly in (comfortable) silence, taking turns to replace the empty bottles. Clarke had a feeling Bellamy was drunker than he was acting. If he had been drinking with their guy friends, he wouldn’t have been holding back. But she didn’t try and stop him like she normally would. She was enjoying his company too much.  


The movie ended just as Clarke finished her third drink. It wasn’t enough alcohol for her to be considered drunk, but she was feeling buzzed and more confident than normal. She closed her eyes and leaned against her friend, letting his hand fall to her hair, where he gently pulled at tendrils that had fallen loose from her bun. She was suddenly acutely aware that she hadn’t showered after her run. It wasn’t normally a problem, she was never this close to him.  


“I’m emotionally damaged, as well.” Clarke said, interrupting Bellamy’s singing of Closing Time, referring the main character from the movie.  


“No, you’re not.” Bellamy said, almost instinctively.  


“I am!” She insisted, “After Finn and Wells and especially after Lexa.” Lexa had been the girl she was seeing at the beginning of the year. They’d gotten off to a really good start, Clarke falling head over heals even though she was still healing over Finn. But Lexa had betrayed her, sleeping with another girl when she had told Clarke they were exclusive. Clarke had given her another chance and it had happened again. It had taken Bellamy three lots of Chinese take-out and the entire first two seasons of Scrubs to even get a smile out of Clarke.  


“Well, if Mila and Justin can be that emotionally fucked and find love, I’m sure it can happen to you.” Bellamy said, he was trying to sound nonchalant, but he sounded drunk. Clarke didn’t mind, he had dealt with her drunk on enough occasions.  


“I hope so.” She mumbled.  


“Do you need another drink?” he asked, but made no effort to move.  


“I think I’m good right here.” She said, daringly. Their friendship had been strictly platonic for nearly five years, moments like this had always been a slip up. But now, the way they were laying was very deliberate. On her side at least.  


“You know, we never spoke about last Saturday.” He whispered, pulling her out of her thoughts. Her cheeks stained red as she remembered (albeit foggily) the kiss she had tried to initiate in his bed last weekend.  


“What’s there to talk about?” she whispered, turning to face him. He was surprisingly close, she thought he had been leaning back, but his face was inches from hers.  


“We kissed.” He whispered, bringing one finger to her jawline, tracing it gently. It sent shivers down her spine.  


“I kissed you.” She corrected him.  


“No, _we_ kissed.” He repeated. _Oh._ She hardly remembered the night she spent in his bed. Could it be possible that he kissed her before he pulled away?  


“You kissed me back?” She hadn’t meant to ask it aloud, but his face was so close to hers, his lips so close – it was distracting. She was leaning in, angling her face to his.  


“There are some lines we can’t uncross, princess.” He whispered, closing the distance as she whispered back, “I don’t want to uncross this one.”  


Their lips had barely touched when the front door was thrown open and they sprung apart. Clarke cursed herself for not locking it. It was nearly midnight, who the hell would be visiting at this hour?  


“You took Blake from the party, so we’re bringing the party to Blake.” Jasper’s loud and very drunk voice boomed as he rounded the corner into the lounge room. He was holding a bottle of what appeared to be a drink of his and Monty’s own creation.  


“Ugh, have we interrupted something?” Monty asked, following his friend into the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Third times the charm." Bellamy said. Clarke was tempted to slap him. 
> 
> Bellarke and Jasper and Monty play _Never Have I Ever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I normally can’t stand writing the same scene from a different point of view, but I felt like I needed to share Bellamy’s thoughts on this moment, so don't mind the similar starting point. 
> 
> Your comments give me life. I've hit a block, I only half know where I'm going from here, so feel free to add some suggestions in with the comments. 
> 
> As usual, hit me up with prompts and ideas on Tumblr! [Writing Is Ruining My Life](http://writing-is-ruining-my-life.tumblr.com/) or [ here](http://raven-reyes-of-sunshine.tumblr.com/)

_Bellamy_

They really shouldn’t be lying like this. This was cuddling and she hadn’t had enough to drink to be considered her ‘drunk hugger’ self. It was teasing him. And she probably wasn’t even doing it intentionally. He leaned forwards, wanting to press his lips to the top of her head, but stopped himself at the last second, thinking better of it. He couldn’t do that until he knew how she felt.  


“You know, we never spoke about last Saturday,” Bellamy whispered, the alcohol giving him confidence he’d been lacking all week. 

“What’s there to talk about?” she murmured back, turning to face him. Maybe he shouldn’t talk to her about it. He didn’t want to ruin the friendship he had just fixed. Maybe she really had kissed him in a drunken haze? _No._ They have to talk about it. _He has to know._

“We kissed.” He whispered again, her face was so close, he couldn’t help but touch it. He ran one finger along her jaw. He was so tempted to close the gap between them, to kiss her. 

“I kissed you.” She said, though she sounded distracted. He hoped it was from his touch. 

“No, _we_ kissed.” Bellamy insisted. For the first time it occurred to him, that maybe she didn’t actually remember. He had only kissed her for a second before he pulled away. Maybe she wanted to kiss him. Could she be avoiding him for the same reasons he was avoiding her. 

“You kissed me back?” She asked, sounding surprised. She didn’t remember. She wasn’t avoiding him because she didn’t want him. The thought made Bellamy’s heart soar. 

“There are some lines we can’t uncross, princess.” He said, as he leaned in to kiss her. He was giving her a chance to back out. He was drunk but she was his best friend… his sister’s best friend. He didn’t want to her to do something she didn’t want to. 

“I don’t want to uncross this one.” She whispered, as his lips met hers. 

“You took Blake from the party, so we’re bringing the party to Blake.” Bellamy tore himself away from Clarke, cursing silently, looking up to see his stupid, drunk, (currently the worst he had) friend enter the room. 

“Ugh, have we interrupted something?” Monty asked, pushing Jasper further into the room and taking in the scene in front of him. Clarke was leaning on Bellamy, her head resting on his chest and her face angled up. Monty would know exactly what he had walked in on. 

“Monty, what the fuck?” Bellamy cried, sitting up and detangling himself from Clarke. She looked at him quizzically, probably wondering why he wasn’t shouting at Jasper, who had just dropped onto the single recliner, obliviously. Monty would have told Jasper exactly where to find Bellamy, probably paying for the cab that got them there and essentially ruining whatever was about to happen with Clarke. 

“Nah, we were just finishing a movie.” Clarke lied, smiling at the two boys. 

“Want to have some drinks?” Jasper asked, holding his bottle up. Bellamy sighed, there was no chance of Jasper and Monty leaving without finishing the bottle. Clarke clearly realised this too, because she returned from the kitchen moments later with four cups, which Jasper filled generously. 

Somewhere along the line they started playing a drinking game, _Never Have I Ever_. Each time one of them had done something they had to have a mouthful of the potent (and incredibly strong) drink that Jasper brought. 

“Never have I ever watched an entire season of Scrubs in one sitting.” Monty laughed. He had been targeting Clarke the whole game. Bellamy however had also sat with Clarke on several occasion, binge watching the stupid show to cheer her up. He took the bottle from Clarke and took a mouthful.

“Really?” Jasper giggled, “You managed to sit through a whole season?” 

“It’s not a bad show.” Bellamy defended, inwardly rolling his eyes because the whole friendship between Elliot and J.D absolutely did his head in. 

“Never have I ever made a drink this disgusting.” Clarke suggested, her nose still screwed up from the drink.

“This is better than last weeks attempt.” Monty said, but good naturedly took a drink and passing the bottle to Jasper who also reluctantly took a mouthful. 

They went on for a while, finding out each other’s secrets, giggling at the revelations. Their questions went from innocent to teasing to digging into each other’s past, asking questions that were more than inappropriate. Despite what Monty and Jasper had interrupted, Bellamy was really starting to enjoy himself. 

“Never have I ever slept with anyone from our friendship group.” Monty grinned. Without a thought, Bellamy leaned over and took the bottle from Jasper, who had just drunk for having a huge crush on Octavia when they were freshmen. 

“What?” Clarke asked, turning on him, eyebrows raised. 

“Who?” Monty asked at the same time. 

“Shit.” Bellamy muttered. They’d promised to never speak about it. It happened once and it was never going to happen again. 

 

_“What are you doing in here?” Bellamy had asked when he got home to find Raven in his room. She was in one his classes, but they didn’t really get on. Clarke told him it was a personality flaw on his part, he didn’t really get on with anyone._

_“My boyfriend cheated on me.” she said, she sounded sad._

_“You’re mistaking me for someone who cares.” He said meanly._ This is why people don’t like you, Bellamy. _“Time to move on.”_

_She sat on his bed, kicked off her shoes and laid her jacket next to herself._

_“What are you doing?” he asked, dryly._

_“Moving on.” she said, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. Bellamy knew exactly what she was trying. He knew it wouldn’t help. But he didn’t know how to tell her. So he stayed quiet while she stepped out of her jeans and pulled her hair out of its ponytail._

_“I’ve never been with anyone but him.” she continued, “Take off your clothes.” He still didn’t know what to say or how to react. “Fine, I’ll go first.” She pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it beside her._

_“If you're looking for someone to talk you down, tell you that you're just upset and not thinking straight, I'm not that guy.” Bellamy said eventually, looking at the now almost naked girl in his room._

_“Good.” She said, stepping towards him and kissing him._

_After, Raven dressed and started to leave._

_“Does that help?” he’d asked, apprehensively. He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer._

_“No.” she said, pulling the door closed behind her. Bellamy has never felt so guilty for sleeping with someone in his entire laugh._

 

Raven was good looking and she had clearly wanted it. And Bellamy hadn’t been in a good place either. When he had found out that the same guy that had broken Clarke’s heart had also broken Raven’s he wanted to punch him in the face. Eventually though, Finn, Clarke and Raven had forgiven each other, meaning Bellamy had to pretend to not hate him. He and Raven agreed to pretend that night had never happened. 

“Who?” Jasper repeated Monty’s question. 

“Raven.” He sighed. There was no point denying it now.

 

_Clarke_

“Never have I ever slept with anyone from our friendship group.” Monty grinned. Clarke knew that he was trying catch her and Bellamy, but the joke was on him. They hadn’t done anything. _Yet_ , she couldn’t help but think. But then Bellamy reached over and took the bottle from Jasper. 

“What?” Clarke asked, turning to him, feeling her eyebrows shoot into her hairline. 

“Who?” Monty asked at the same time. 

“Shit.” Bellamy muttered. 

“Who?” Jasper pressed.

“Raven.” He said, after a moment. 

“What?” Clarke and Monty asked at the same time. 

“It happened before we were even friends with her.” Bellamy was slurring, but looking desperately at Clarke. “She came to me after she found out Finn was cheating on her. It only happened once. She made me promise not to tell.” 

 

_“I am going to lock you in this room until your friends.” Octavia had told Clarke and Raven, after a particularly bad party, where Raven and Clarke had all but started a bar brawl. “You guys are like literally my only girl friends. I need you to like each other.” She pulled the door shut and Clarke had heard the key in the lock._

_“Well, we might as well talk about it.” Clarke told her, facing Raven without a burning look of hatred for the first time since she had found out about her existence._

_“There’s not really a lot to say.” Raven said. It was clear she was putting on a brave face, but Clarke could see through it. She was hurting. Just like she was._

_“I’m really sorry. I didn’t even know about you.”_

_Octavia was true to her words and didn’t come back for two hours, but by the time she got back Clarke and Raven had bonded over their mutual hate of Finn. They had even laughed over the situation._  
_“Are you friends yet?” she asked._

_“We don’t hate each other.” Raven said, glancing at Clarke with a small smile on her face._

_“Good enough for me.” Octavia said, producing the bags of take out from behind her back._

_“Bellamy?” Raven’s face had gone pale as the older Blake walked in, holding more food._

_“Raven.” He said, tightly. She shook his head slightly at him and that was the end of their conversation for the night._

 

Clarke had assumed they just didn’t like each other. Bellamy seemed to have that effect on people in classes. Probably because he had been such a know it all in their first few years.

“What the fuck.” Jasper muttered, placing the almost empty bottle on the table.

“You’ve been sitting on this for nearly four years?” Clarke asked him, unable to keep the hurt off her face. Not caring if Jasper or Monty saw it. 

“It was a mistake. She was embarrassed. She didn’t – doesn’t, want anyone to know.” Bellamy said, still slurring, eyes pleading. But Clarke couldn’t look at him. 

Their game was pretty much over after that. Jasper and Monty went to bed, sleeping in Octavia and Raven’s rooms. Bellamy offered to sleep on the couch and Clarke agreed. She couldn’t decide if she was madder at Raven or Bellamy. Either one of them could have told her. Both of them should have.

Clarke spent far longer than necessary in the shower musing this. She wanted to talk to Octavia about, but she couldn’t without admitting her feelings for her brother. And she didn’t think that would go down too well. 

She’d been tossing and turning for an hour, when Bellamy came.

“I can hear you thinking from out there.” He whispered, letting himself into her room and closing the door behind him.

“What do you want, Bell?” she asked, sitting up and turning on her bedside lamp. 

“I want to fix this. I’m sorry.” He said, stepping closer to her.

“Do you like her?” Clarke asked. It wasn’t what she had wanted to say, it slipped out. But she had let herself fall for him. She knew his past, but it had always seemed like his past. Happening with someone they were both still close friends with? That seemed like something he was still getting over. And she wouldn't be a rebound, even if it were four years later. 

“What? No.” he said, “I did it because she wanted to and I wasn’t in a good place. It happened was when I was sleeping around. She knew that. We used each other.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. They didn’t keep secrets, he was the only person who she told everything too (aside from her feelings). How could she trust him with that if he didn’t do the same?

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.” He whispered, sitting on the bed next to her and throwing his arm around her shoulders, “I fucked up. I fucked this up bad. I know I should have told you, but I didn’t know how. And it was even harder because it happened so long ago. I didn’t want you to think badly of me. It’s bad enough that there have been that many other faceless girls, its worse that she’s your friend.” He was rambling, he always rambles when he drinks and is feeling bad about something.

“I wouldn’t have cared, Bell.” She whispered, “I care that you kept it from me.”

“I care about you. It meant nothing to me. A one time thing.” He said, he was looking at her, his dark eyes desperate, as though they were pleading for her to understand. 

“What about me? Would I be a one time thing?” she asked, pushing her hair out of her eyes and looking at him. She wanted to tell him that she cared about him too. But she couldn't. She was too scared of getting hurt.

He catches her hand, “No, you wouldn’t. I kind of want you to be an all the time thing.” He murmurs. _An all the time thing._ It makes Clarke's heart soar. She knows he means it. Bellamy looks like he always does, but this time Clarke can’t stop staring. His head is blocking her lamp, so his dark curls were framed with the light, imitating a halo. His eyes are darker than normal and his mouth is turn downed at the corners. She knows it’s because of her and right now, she’d do anything to fix it. She runs her fingers along his cheek, tracing the freckles splashed on his face. _This is the man she loves._

“You’re just saying that because you’re drunk.” She joked, because that's what they do, once again leaning into him.

“I’ve never felt so sober.” He answered, without closing the gap. 

“Then kiss me, stupid.” Clarke said, cupping his face with her hand and pulling him to her. This time when their lips meet, nothing breaks them apart. No conscience, no Jasper. Bellamy places one hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer and wrapping the other around her waist. Clarke’s hands are in his hair, gently tugging and scratching his scalp. Clarke felt him shiver and she smiled into the kiss. She opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to trace the outline of her lips, before dipping into her mouth. It’s both gentle and rough and she didn’t know it was possible. And she _cannot_ get enough. 

“Third times the charm,” he said, when they broke apart and Clarke was tempted to slap him.


End file.
